Private prison writings of Karla Homolka obtained by the Sun open a window on the bizarre mind of the infamous killer who will soon be released.
A series of letters written to her lesbian lover suggest Homolka still has no appreciation of what she did.
The letters paint a picture of a woman hungry for sex, madly in love and thinking of a same-sex marriage.
The self-centred tone of the letters is eerily similar to notes she wrote to her killer husband Paul Bernardo at the height of their horrifying murder spree.
Homolka wrote the letters to "the love of my life," Lynda Veronneau, during a three-year tryst the women had at Joliette prison. In the letters - obtained recently by the Sun after Homolka dumped Veronneau in favour of a relationship with imprisoned killer Jean-Paul Gerbet - Homolka professes her love for Veronneau, over and over.
From the cartoon stickers of Mickey Mouse, teddy bears and dogs, to the loopy handwriting, the letters are vintage Homolka. The only difference from letters she penned to Paul Bernardo a decade earlier is that Homolka now writes in fluent French.
But the letters are not as much about Homolka's love for Veronneau as they are entries in her own self-centred diary.
Most Canadians believe that Homolka got away with murder for her part in Bernardo's sex slayings of Kristen French, 15, and Leslie Mahaffy, 14, and the fatal drug rape of Homolka's youngest sister, Tammy Homolka, 15.
Homolka swapped a guilty plea to two counts of manslaughter in the French and Mahaffy deaths and her testimony against Bernardo in exchange for 12 years in prison.
Those 12 years will be up in two weeks.
Homolka will come out of prison with a university degree. She is fluently bilingual. Chaperoned by the Elizabeth Fry Society, Homolka plans to change her name and appearance and then disappear into the Montreal crowd.
The Veronneau letters show a self-absorbed mind oblivious to the magnitude of her crimes.
The fact that her affair with Veronneau compromises her previous denials of lusting after girls seems to escape her.
In one nasty letter, she scolds Sun journalists who were only days away from revealing her lesbian tryst, calling them "the low of the lowest on earth."
Homolka's lesbian relationship with Veronneau began soon after Homolka moved to Joliette women's camp - northeast of Montreal - in the summer of 1997.
Veronneau, a self-described "butch" lesbian with a criminal record dating back two decades, walks and talks like a man.
When she met Homolka at Joliette, Veronneau was serving three years for her part in a drug-fuelled Thelma-and-Louise-style robbery spree that ended in a spectacular police chase through downtown Montreal.
Tough on the outside, soft on the inside, Veronneau is liked by fellow cons and became inmate committee chairman.
Soon after Homolka met Veronneau, the pair talked of sticking together upon their release. Veronneau was close to inheriting $700,000 from the estate of her late grandmother.
Initially freed in November 1998, Veronneau was so much in love with Homolka that she confessed to an old crime to get back into Joliette.
By Homolka's reckoning, she and Veronneau had sex three times a week.
Psychological reports suggest Homolka considered Veronneau a man, just one without a thingy. When Homolka did find a man, she quickly dumped Veronneau.
In late 2001, Homolka fell deeply in love with Gerbet, a French national who was convicted of second-degree murder in 1998 for slaying his ex-girlfriend Cathy Carretta.
Homolka was staying in the tiny women's unit of Ste-Anne-des-Plaines men's prison when she met Gerbet.
Inmates tell the Sun that Homolka first laid eyes on Gerbet when she was withdrawing books from the prison library, where Gerbet worked as a volunteer.
One ex-inmate, Chantal Meuneer, Veronneau's current lover, told the Sun she saw Homolka fondle Gerbet through a gap in a fence between the male and female prison yards.
Angry at being dumped and incredulous that Homolka is now with a killer, Veronneau gave the Sun exclusive interviews and Homolka letters.
MARCH 9, 2000
"Hello my little baby love. How's it going my love? I worry for you. I love you and I miss you ... Today was hell. After I left you, I went for groceries ... I had a lot of things to do today. Now I'm really tired. Bushed. I didn't have much time today to think about our separation. That's good. But now I'm starting to miss you a lot."
- - -
MARCH 10, 2000
"I can't wait till I get to call you Babe. I miss you lots ... I love you, Babe ... are you OK? I hope so, my love ... I'm a bit jealous. I want to be there with you guys."
In the same letter, Homolka talks of how a prison staffer told her twice in two days that he was in awe of her French.
"I'm proud of me, Babe. What's more, I don't have a hard time writing in French ..."
Homolka complains about the TV reception at Joliette.
"Channel 11 is not coming in very well down here. I'm angry. I want to watch my 11. Oh well. That's life. Babe, I'm tired. I'll leave you with the right words of love - I love you a lot, I miss you and I miss you. Good night, baby love."
- - -
MARCH 15, 2000
On paper embossed with roses and little red and black spotted beetles, Homolka tells Veronneau she longs to "be in your arms. I want you to hold me tight. I love you lots, my love. I can't wait to talk to you."
- - -
MARCH 20, 2000
In a rare glimpse of empathy, Homolka comments how the deaths of seven day-care children in a road accident at Ste-Jean-Baptiste-de-Nicolet three days earlier made her sad. The kids were aged between two and five years.
"I feel difficult inside now 'cause my sister is pregnant. I hate myself more. Before, I didn't feel like that. It's really different when there's a child in your family. It's tough Babe.
"Talk to you later, Babe. I love you very much!
"Your love bug!"
Homolka does not post that letter. Instead, she continues the very next day by savaging "the media." Her tirade is undoubtedly aimed at Sun Media reporters Alan Cairns and Laura Bobak, who were preparing an expose on the pair's lesbian relationship. Homolka believes - mistakenly - that the reporters threatened the pair's lawyer, Sylvie Bordelais.
- - -
MARCH 21, 2000
"Hey Babe; I'm tired but I felt like writing you, my love. I keep thinking about everything that's going on now. I wonder what I could do. 1) I can be all depressed, or 2) I can take it well. It's not a big choice, my Babe. I don't want to be depressed. I'll keep going, Babe. Many things much worse than that have already happened in my life. That's all. But I can't believe the threats they made to Sylvie! It's incredible and terrible. It sickens me. The media are absolutely disgusting. I have no respect, not one positive sentiment toward them. The media are truly the lowest of the low on earth. It's unbelievable. I can't believe it's real."
Homolka goes on to tell Veronneau she has taken photographs of "the cats" in Joliette.
"I spoil her every day, Babe. She enjoys being hugged and petted ... That's it, Babe - your little kitty love!"
- - -
MARCH 23, 2000
"Hello, my little baby love. How are you, my Babe? Everyone is frustrated as always. It's so nice out today. Everyone was outside getting a tan. Lyne ... is all red as a lobster. Nancy is all tanned. I went outside a bit, but I don't want to get a tan. It's not good for the skin! I said I didn't have much to tell you. It's so boring here without you, my Love. I miss you tremendously, Babe. But you know that. I'll leave you with love words - I love you, I kiss you and I f--- you in my thoughts. Talk to you soon, my Love. Your angel. xox
"I love you with all my heart, my baby love!"
- - -
MARCH 26, 2000
"Hi baby love: Only bad stuff is going on now. Stivia is having a really hard time with her ex-husband regarding her children. She just told me it's not going well. She cried a lot. I feel so bad for her. We're so powerless here. I hate it.
"I prepared dinner tonight. I made spaghetti sauce and a new dessert - chocolate Pavlova ... Karine is with Rachel ... now. I think that's cute ... It's as if another couple had taken our place. Do you understand ... it hurts me a bit."
- - -
MARCH 27, 2000
After Homolka watches morning TV news about Bernardo asking the Court of Appeal for Ontario to overturn his convictions in the French and Mahaffy murders, she has this to say to Veronneau:
"I hope he won't win on any count. If the court grants him another trial, I'll commit suicide. It's not true, but I'll be the most depressed (person) in the world."
- - -
MARCH 29, 2000
"Last night Minouche (the cat) removed her kittens and brought them (into) Stivia's room. We talked to Rachel a lot because she licks the kittens all the time. First, it's disgusting, and second, neither Minouche (the cat) nor the kittens like it ... But you know Rachel - she thinks we're crazy. But we're right. Humans are not supposed to lick kittens!"
- - -
APRIL 2, 2000
"We had a party last night. We had fun, but I missed you terribly. I miss you Babe! Big time!"
Homolka goes on to tell Veronneau she wants to quit her job and get $7 daily prison pay for going full-time to school.
"That's all ... I love you. I'm giving you a thousand kisses all over! I love you."
Homolka adds to the letter later that night:
"To be f----- by you. Yes, it's true, Babe. I want you to f--- me, babe. I don't want to get all excited, but I can't tell you lies either. I love you so much, my Love. I miss you, your lips, your arms, everything ... I can't think like that. I'll go crazy."
- - -
APRIL 4, 2000
Homolka reminds Veronneau of her upcoming birthday:
"One more month and it's my birthday. I only have a month to go and I'm 30. Oooh! I'm excited to find out what my surprise is! I finished my essay tonight. Yay! My law course is over. I don't have an exam ... But I have one for my other course next Thursday. I need to start studying!
"I bought a body mist for Stivia for her birthday ... It's "The Healing Garden," lavender. It's so good, Babe."
- - -
APRIL 11, 2000
Homolka tells Veronneau their cat, Cocotte, was snuggling against her and would soon sleep. Homolka shows a love and concern for animals that it seems she could never show to Bernardo's human sex slaves Kristen French, Leslie Mahaffy, sister Tammy Homolka and Jane Doe.
"I bring Cocotte into my room every day now. I don't want her to be traumatized when she's separated from her mother and siblings. If she's separated from them gradually like this, she'll be OK."
- - -
APRIL 27, 2000
"Hello my little Baby love. I love you so much ... Yesterday was our clothing sale for long sentences. It's good, but I didn't find a lot of stuff. I found overalls (jeans), a pair of shorts (to train), a pair of black pants, a Dr. Seuss T-shirt (he's a children's books author) and a pretty T-shirt (dressy)."
Homolka then writes the following:
"Babe, I have a question to ask. Would you buy me a few things? I keep thinking about a pair of pants and shirt in the Victoria's Secret catalogue. If you want to buy those for me I'll be very happy. You can give them to Stivia's mother when you're ready to get them in. It's almost 8:15 bye."
Strangely, she crosses the entry out.
"Forget about that - Baby love."
But the words are still clearly visible.
- - -
MAY 4, 2000
Homolka's 30th birthday has arrived.
"Oh babe. I spent a beautiful day. It was filled with joy and surprises! Thanks for everything, Babe. I love you so much, my Love. It's true. You really are the man of my life. You know I never promised anything, but I can tell you that I love you tremendously and if everything goes all right, I see a future for us. It's true, Babe. You make me feel a lot of beautiful things - love, security and lots of other things ... Baby, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. ENORMOUSLY!!!"
Homolka goes on about her hard work in the food services department and not having enough time to do her essays and hating her "boring" computer course.
Correctional Services Canada has gone out of its way to say that Homolka and Gerbet could never have had sexual contact.
In a revelation that will make prison brass squirm, Homolka writes:
"Babe! My Love: 1) Shiro and Nancy (inmates) are together. Shiro also has a boyfriend and he (masturbates) her when he visits ... It's really disgusting. The entire staff know Shiro's game now. Finally. 2) Bianca and Marianne Mattre are together also, but I think I've told you that already."
Homolka adds that she wants a book, The Deep End of the Ocean, by Jaqueline Mitchard.
- - -
MAY 8, 2000
"I love you Babe and I miss you Babe. I had my health/beauty class tonight. We did makeovers. I was pretty, Babe."
- - -
MAY 16, 2000
Lamenting a telephone tiff with Veronneau earlier that day, Homolka urges Veronneau to love herself and make sure she stays on the "outside world."
But the advice quickly turns back to concern for herself.
"Do you think it'll do me good if I only see you for a couple of months and then nothing? You know how tough it is to say goodbye to you, Babe. I've already done that twice - I don't want to do it again. You think I'm cold and a pregnant dog but it's not true. I love you ..."
Then Homolka quickly switches gears again:
"Change of subject. I forgot to tell you all the time that I got my scores for my last two courses. I got an A- on my The Law course and I got a B+ on my other. That's good huh, Babe? I love you lots, Babe and I'll leave you with a billion kisses. I love you very much, babe. Don't quit. I'm proud of you. Your Beauty xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xxxxxxxxxx ooooooooo"
- - -
MAY 18, 2000
Homolka sends a greeting card, which she signs:
"Your girlfriend, your woman, your love."
Another card bears the printed text that "I have a hint that our friendship will last quite a stint!" Homolka writes she hopes it "will be true."
- - -
MAY 21, 2000
Homolka says she can not "stop thinking about our future."
And she writes of cutting and streaking her hair.
"It's my day off ... Now I ate a yogurt and a bowl of grapes for lunch. Now, I'm watching the Flintstones, eating jelly beans and writing my baby love."
She said prison staff have agreed to let her get paid to study.
She's also set to start aerobics.
"I tone my muscles one day and do aerobics the other."
- - -
MAY 23, 2000
Homolka tells Veronneau of a "huge fight" at Joliette. An inmate, Rachel, would not leave Moufette the cat alone.
Homolka and another inmate complain to staff about how Rachel treats the cats.
"She licks them and plays with their a------- - it's disgusting! But Rachel thinks we're abnormal ... we think she's the one who's not normal."
- - -
MAY 26, 2000
Homolka complains to Veronneau that private trailer visits - known as sex visits - were being discontinued.
"This means that if I'm married with a man in another prison, I can't (visit) him ... The public doesn't want criminals to be together ... It's unbelievable."
Homolka tells her lover to "think twice" before acting up to get back behind bars.
Homolka notes that prison brass have already busted up the lesbian love nest at Joliette of Rose Cece and Mary Taylor, killers of Toronto police Const. Bill Hancox.
But Homolka isn't worried as much about Veronneau as she is about herself.
"If you ever come back, we risk being separated. And it's me who'll be transferred. Not you."
- - -
JUNE 4, 2000
"There's nothing on TV, whether in English or French. I've (missed) you. There's nothing to do. I'm fed up (with) everything. I won at bingo Friday. I won a bath towel with baby tigers on it ... I don't have a lot of things to say, Babe. My end of the week was very boring. I love you very much and I miss you. Your beauty! xoxxooxoxxoxoxoxxooxxoxo."
- - -
JUNE 9, 2000
"Hey my beautiful love. Do you like the pictures, baby love? The one with me and Cocotte. I don't like it. My thighs look swollen. I hate my thighs ... It's just the picture angle, Babe."
"I love you with all my heart, my baby love ... I love you Babe.
"Your Beauty xoxxo."
- - -
JUNE 13, 2000
"Hey Babe: You know that I'm angry at you now ... I only have one thing to say - it's me or drugs. You can't have both. I can't turn the other way and keep my eyes closed about that. If I did, it wouldn't be OK 'cause if you keep on doing it, I'll leave you. I can't accept that. Make your choice now, Babe. Don't think you can do your drugs and stop the moment I come out of prison. Forget that, Babe. If you can't change now, you never will .... it won't be easier later. It'll be worse. OK - that's it for that."
- - -
JUNE 18, 2000
Homolka sends a card featuring a sleeping teddy bear.
"To my husband for Father's Day."
The reference is to the prison kitten the pair would adopt.
- - -
JULY 5, 2000
Homolka writes that her "life is really bad," but then tells Veronneau not to worry. Her distress is over an essay in which she is "supposed to say if the 1990s are more violent than the 1950s."
She says she is fed up with the course and wants a break.
And there was one other little troubling matter:
"I (was) supposed to have an assessment by a psychiatrist this morning at (9 a.m.). It's noon and he hasn't arrived yet. I hate that. Why to make an appointment when you have no intention of respecting that? It makes me furious. It'll f--- my whole day now ..."
Ironically, she asks Veronneau to take care with her letters.
"Babe, I hope that you never leave my notes, my pictures or your letters to me in your room. Watch out for Nicole ... talk to her about absolutely nothing. You can't trust her, not at all, OK, Babe."
In one of many undated cards and letters, Homolka gives Veronneau the vague promise that "Soon, you are going to receive a special thing from me. I adore you."
In an undated letter, Homolka uses black shadow figures to create 10 cartoon situations.
Numbered one through 10 and with Homolka's commentary alongside them, the cartoon images start off with Veronneau "going nuts" over her business.
Another cartoon has one figure yelling in the phone to another. The angered character is clearly Homolka.
"What? You drunk Babe! pregnant dog ... pregnant dog ... pregnant dog ... pregnant dog."
And then the pair make up.
The most interesting cartoon is No. 8.
It shows a bride and groom and a wedding.
"You never know what could happen!"